The Fried Egg Cup Results Page

Fried Egg Cup Finalé | The Season Summary - just before the Final Round.

Sadly, all good things come to an end.  Fortunately, so do most shit things, so love it or hate, here is the final instalment of the Fried Egg Cup update.  Until November, unless that has proven to be a suitably long cool-off period and LJ desires to take the first tentative steps back into the world of publishing and reclaim the FEC (Too soon?).

While some were out enjoying their Saturday, I was out slogging across the spine of the Peninsula.  Eleven hours and 49 minutes is a long time to contemplate which is more painful, a skull-fucked sand wedge, a pulled three footer or the next 100 m of climbing up to Maclear’s Beacon.  The climb hurts more, but with just over two weeks to the FEC playoff, the consequences of the first two are more dire.

After the frenzied activity of late August and early September there was very real danger that the FEC would finish like that Bobbit Uncut movie (admit it, you were curious), with a disappointing dribble (I only know that because there was a review in the Hustler that used to live under my mattress).  Fortunately Estian thrust forward, like a chiselled plumber (I’m here to fix your washing machine miss) to deliver the explosive climax we all longer for (more on him later).

With one day to go, Paddy was sitting pretty with a seemingly unassailable five point lead.  Enter Estian, who flung open the Black Gates of the Mordor Country Club and proceeded to cut a swathe of destruction through all that stood before, signing for an astonishing 72 for 41 points, in the process swatting Paddy aside and claiming the Ring of Power for himself. 

A fitting end to what started as just an excuse for Stix to set up another golf-themed WhatsApp group, but inexorably gathered momentum (like the LIV Tour) until it became a threat to overshadowing the main event (like the LIV Tour, but with fewer c*nts).

Over 400 competitive rounds resulted in an ever changing leaderboard, with players moving up and down like the Bitcoin price.

So, without further ado, here is how we go into the post-season.  Nicknames are in no way binding.

The Contenders (and others)

Duane “DJ” Viljoen

On a hot streak and playing some of the best golf of his career, but made his bed so has to sleep in it.  Only Berry cares.  Hoping Rory can facilitate a compromise and we see him back next year.

Fried Egg Cup Points: 0

Amper Eier Beker Punte: 418

LJ “Latifi” Galloway

How do you get to be 21st out of 20?  Approached the FEC with as much commitment as a West Coast rapper to his baby mommies.  Will tee it up in George like an Augusta club pro who gets mark the odd numbered guy in the final round of the Masters.  “The experience will be priceless”.

Fried Egg Cup Points: 215

Best month: 37

Worst month: 26

Rob “The Rat” van Hille

Adds the FEC wooden spoon to his trophy cabinet of near misses.  Always available and up for a good time, spent 8 years at the table by the door of the Rat and Parrot, waiting for girls to pick him up.  Goes into the playoffs with one point for every time he was picked up – so 0 then…

Rounds: 47

Fried Egg Cup Points: 398

Best month: 40

Worst month: 32

Stix “Serena” Galloway

Big and powerful, with a legacy that goes back years (2015 GI champ).  More successful than the older sibling, but an increasingly fading star.  Has developed a tendency to crumble under pressure, just when glory appears within reach.  Starts with a point for every slam won as a mother – so also 0.

Rounds: 54

Fried Egg Cup Points: 398

Best month: 41

Worst month: 29

Andrew “Viagra” Galloway

An elder statesman of the competition and it showed.  Pure class at the start and was showing the others how it’s done, but just couldn’t keep it up when it mattered most.  One prescription away from being a serious contender.  Fortunately the playoffs are a single round so he’s still in with a shot.  Takes two points to the first tee.

Rounds: 39

Fried Egg Cup Points: 400

Best month: 41

Worst month: 30

Stephen “Garfunkel” Galloway

He’s always there, but never in the spotlight.  Part of the fabulously successful KCC league paring.  You don’t think he plays a lot, but brought up a half century of FEC rounds.  You don’t think he scores well, but his 42 is second highest score of the tournament.  You don’t consider him a contender, at your peril.  Like Man City on a Saturday, has three points in the bag.

Rounds: 51

Fried Egg Cup Points: 401

Best month: 42

Worst month: 31

William “Willie” Galloway

Like his mercurial namesake in the number 15 jersey, can be utterly sublime or completely shit.  The biggest gap between best and worst by some distance.  In the form of his life and walking in putts for fun, he’s surfing into George on a wave of confidence.  But, will the burden of expectation be too much to bare?  Also, Stix will be there, so will an eight point start be enough?

Rounds: 69

Fried Egg Cup Points: 406

Best month: 45

Worst month: 29

Patrick “Michelin” Cairns

While most have been pigging out on a regular diet of junk, Paddy has been the most discerning, venturing out a mere 43 times since last November.  Like a true connoisseur, quality trumps quantity.  No supersizing here, his outings are more delicately crafted, with meticulous (ask Sammo) preparation.  Despite the nouvelle cuisine, he can still throw in a good chip every now and then.  So close to walking off with the prize, but one more good round could earn him another star.  Paddy takes 11 points and a dodgy putting stroke into the playoff.

Rounds: 43

Fried Egg Cup Points: 409

Best month: 41

Worst month: 33

Estian “Rocco” Fourie

The quintessential Italian Stallion, with pedigree to burn.  He’s long, straight and never flags, leaving them gagging for more.  Famous for dominating from behind.  The two time GI winner and club champion is always on the lookout for a new conquest, so look out FEC.  But, the world of porn, I mean golf, is cutthroat and there are a number of pretenders looking to dethrone the legend.  Will start with an intimidating 12 inches, I mean points.  Can he be tamed?

Rounds: 60

Fried Egg Cup Points: 410

Best month: 41

Worst month: 33